Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
