NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
