SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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