census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
