i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
