I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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