how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is my gift to your gina
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
