I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
