Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
