In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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