yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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