see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
