My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
