Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
