just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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