I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
