she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
