You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize