perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
