I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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