I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
