So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize