not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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