He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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