the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize
