i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
