my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
