dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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