He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
