It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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