i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
this is an emotional support booty call
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
