I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
