It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
