Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
