There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
