I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
