I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
