She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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