I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
