I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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