So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
