Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
