Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
