So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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