There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
