The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
