I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
