Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
