When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
