It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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