Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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