I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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