Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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