I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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