you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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