He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
