Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
