Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
