In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
