but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
