I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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