I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
