Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
