Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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