Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
