We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
