Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
